Developments with OB: Installment 2

Well, here’s the part where I get to put my foot in my mouth.

About not being romantically compatible with someone significantly older than me, that is.

Last Friday, I went out to OB’s place, with the intention of staying there until roughly noon on Saturday. We wound up having such a great time together that I stayed until Sunday evening.

Can I take just a moment to praise amazing butches, y’all? Yes? Good.

I’ve never met anyone quite like OB. She’s just… incredibly down-to-earth, kind, and genuine. And on top of that, she’s amazing about things like consent, boundaries, and listening – – better than anyone I’ve ever been with, in any context. I won’t go into detail, because I could easily devote a blog entry to my feelings about the subject, but I will just say that this is a major change of pace from my last relationship.

A change of pace that I desperately needed.

Only time will tell where this thing is headed.  At this point, we’re just dating and taking it a day at a time.

All I know is that I sincerely hope that OB will be in my life for a long time to come, whether as a friend, a lover, or anything else.

First Foray Into Dating Butches

So, I wound up going on my first date with a butch a couple of weeks ago.

Backstory:  I met an older butch (who will henceforth be referred to as OB) at a club a few weeks ago.  We both seemed to notice each other, and, long story short, she gave me her number before leaving with a friend.  I was both very caught off guard and flattered; I’ve always been under the impression that there’s a lot more butch-on-butch homophobia within the older lesbian community.  Anyways, we wound up texting back and forth, and I was upfront with her about my recent breakup and consequential lack of readiness for anything serious.

So, she wound up asking me to dinner, and I said yes.  I’m so glad I did, because I had a really great time with her.  I did realize that I didn’t feel romantically compatible with someone that much older than me, but we still had a really nice dinner. She’s hilarious and down to earth and just very, very fun to be around.  I really enjoy her company, and I think we’re going to be good friends for some time to come.

I must say, that date was remarkably validating in terms of solidifying my attraction to butches.  Sometimes I forget how much little gender play or power play things can affect me.  I found it really hot that she was taking me out– paying for dinner and all that.  As someone who has really only dated femmes before, this was a new experience for me.  And even though the romantic compatibility factor wasn’t there, the dynamics of that date were hot.  Like, I-couldn’t-stop-thinking-about-it-for-days hot.

All I could think of afterwards is “Shit, how could it have possibly taken me this long to figure out that this is what I’m into?”

An Introduction

I’m starting this blog because I need a safe space to explore my newly-realized attraction to butches, studs, tomboys, androgynous dykes, and similarly identified folks.  I realize that these identifiers are by no means synonymous, though they can of course overlap; they just all describe a kind of person I’m into.  My current plan is to fill this blog with my thoughts on the butch/butch dynamic and my experiences in the butch/butch dating world.

I guess I’ll start by breaking down how I identify and the kind of people I’m interested in.

My Gender Identity

I identify as butch.  As far as I’m concerned, butch is my gender.  That being said, calling me a female-identified butch wouldn’t exactly be inaccurate, either.  I don’t really identify with the word “woman” at all, for various reasons that I may go into at another time, but I’m pretty comfortable with the identifier “female”.  I have a bit of a genderqueer streak as well, though my relationship with the word “genderqueer” has been changing and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll use it to describe myself.  Basically, I use that word to reflect the gender dysphoria that I’ve struggled with in my lifetime.  To that end, I suppose I might as well mention that I’m a butch who has had top surgery.

My Sexual Identity

Sexually, I identify as a butch bottom and a butch submissive.  At the moment, I’m very fond of the butch boi identity, which I’m defining (for myself) as being a butch fag who’s into dominant butches.

My Sexual Orientation

I would say that, sexually, I’m open to being involved with a lot of different kinds of non-male-identified people.  In the (recent) past, I have almost exclusively been a (stone) butch top to a femme bottom.  While I still appreciate that dynamic and am certainly not opposed to being involved in it again, it’s not really what I’m looking for presently.  Right now I’m a bit preoccupied with finding a butch top/dom.  That being said, I still consider myself sexually interested in everything from high femmes to stone butches; it really just depends on the person.

My Romantic Orientation

After a lot of introspection, I’ve come to realize that what I’m looking for in a partner, gender-identity-wise, is pretty specific.  At the end of the day, I want to come home to a butch.  A butch who is dominant and/or aggressive, a butch who enjoys taking me out, a butch who wants to hold me. That’s just what sounds right to me, what feels right to me.

 

It’s a little distressing to know that butch-on-butch dynamics are so often looked down upon.  It’s hard to find others out there who appreciate the dynamic, even as friends. I guess it leaves me with only one choice: to carve out a space for myself.

So here I am.