RIP, Leslie Feinberg

“I didn’t want to be different.  I longed to be everything the grownups wanted, so they would love me.  I followed all their rules, tried my best to please.  But there was something about me that made them knit their eyebrows and frown.  No one ever offered a name for what was wrong with me.   That’s what made me afraid it was really bad.  I only came to recognize its melody through this constant refrain: ‘Is that a boy or a girl?'”

-Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues

With that single paragraph, my entire world cracked open.  I remember reading it over and over again, so in awe of seeing my feelings, my hurts, reflected back to me for the first time.  I knew from that moment that that book would change my life.

And it did.  It was as though I had been wandering in the darkness for years, and suddenly there was a pinpoint of light.  And as I read, the pinpoint became bigger and bigger and bigger until it finally encompassed me.  Until I knew, for the first time, that I had a home, a history, a people.

Leslie, I will never have the words to properly thank you for showing me the way home.  I am so sorry that this world took so much from you, so often.  That you had to suffer as much as you did.  May you rest in peace.

All of my love,

A

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About butchonbutch

A 20-something year old butch who has recently come to terms with their attraction to other butches (and studs and tomboys and androgynous dykes). I'll be discussing my experiences in the world of butch on butch dating, love, and sex. If you want to know more about me, click the "About" tab at the top of the page.

Posted on November 23, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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