Do You Have Any Questions for Me?

So, I know that many of my posts have had a rather serious tone about them, especially as I have started down this road of digging into my mountain of Self Work.  I wanted to take a quick break from that and make a more light-hearted post.  I found myself unsure of what to post about, though, so I figured I would just open the field for questions from you, dear readers.

So, do you have any questions for me?  Anything you just have a burning desire to know about me?  Now is the time to ask!


About butchonbutch

A 20-something year old butch who has recently come to terms with their attraction to other butches (and studs and tomboys and androgynous dykes). I'll be discussing my experiences in the world of butch on butch dating, love, and sex. If you want to know more about me, click the "About" tab at the top of the page.

Posted on April 6, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Ashton,

    You have been an invaluable resource for me for pre- and post-op care, as has Maddox over at Neutrois Nonsense. I got their recommendations for surgical scar care, now I would love to pick your brain for some scar care recommendations, be they recommendations for specific creams or treatments, or guidelines for range of movements or a timeline for when and how to start lifting heavier weights, not just as in exercise, but also just when to start your normal activity and how to get back into your regular life.

    Thanks for this opportunity, and I might just start shooting questions your way regularly now, lol. 😉


    • Hey Eli,

      It makes me so happy to hear that I’ve been of help to you. I’m so glad!

      As far as scar care goes, I used silicone strips from BioDermis. As far as I know, silicone scar treatments are the only scar treatments that have actually been proven to be effective (don’t quote me on that, though; it’s been a while since I researched all this stuff!).
      As far as movement– I tried not to reach my hands above my head for quite some time (I’ve heard this stretches out scars, not sure if you already know that or not). I don’t recall when I first did so, but I’m pretty sure I waited at least a month.
      Honestly, I was very lucky in the sense that I didn’t have any job or otherwise straining obligations last summer (besides a summer class), so I just took it as easily as I possibly could for as long as I possibly could. That meant letting other people do a lot of things for me, which was really weird to get used to, but worth it.

      Now, that being said, my scars are still very pink and raised and a bit stretched, so your mileage may vary. I am, however, very, VERY prone to intense scarring, so I expected this going into surgery.

      That’s all I can think of for right now! You’re more than welcome to shoot other questions my way when you think of them. 🙂

  2. This question is not really light-hearted, but it’s what I’m interested in at the moment: Do you have feelings of guilt or shame for not matching assumptions about who you should be attracted to?
    I recently realised that I sometimes feel shame for not being attracted to femmes and I am sort of trying to hide it (which is probably counter-productive). I would like to hear how other people (you in this case) deal with their desire, if they get negative reactions when they disclose it etc.

    • Ah, this is such a good question!! And I don’t mind at all that it’s not light-hearted.

      Before top surgery, I would have said yes. Before top surgery, the amount of guilt and shame I felt on a regular basis could have eaten me alive. Guilt and shame about not being the daughter my parents wanted, about (at the time) being stone, about being too genderqueer (in certain ways) for my then-girlfriend, about everything.

      I used to just internalize all of the world’s messages about what I was doing wrong, all of them. And then… top surgery happened. Something that very few, if any, people in my “real life” explicitly supported me doing. And it turned out to be the best fucking thing that ever happened to me. It was a huge revelation for me– other people will never, ever, EVER know what is right for me better than I do.
      And after that, other people’s feelings about who I am and how I am just didn’t matter as much. I think that’s why it took me having surgery to realize that I was attracted to butches at all– with the space I was in before, I wasn’t even willing to think about it, because I just literally could not handle another thing to feel guilty about and ashamed of.

      People are often surprised when I say I’m pretty exclusively attracted to other bois/butches/androgynous types, but I’ve been lucky enough to not have to deal with any direct negativity from it (granted, I still see PLENTY of negative attitudes about it online).

      I’m so sorry you’re struggling with feelings of guilt and shame. I know it’s incredibly hard and draining and just awful in general. Not feeling shame about who you are is difficult in a world that makes us internalize so much homophobia and transphobia and other shitty things.

      I’m very fortunate that I’m now in place where I’ve learned to how to own my identity. Interestingly, even though I am reserved and shy and a submissive, I seem to now give off a “If you give me shit about this, I will give it right back to you, asshole.” vibe. It took me a very long time to get to this place, but it is so worth it.

      The only thing that I can really advise is just to work on loving yourself. It sounds cliche, I know, but it is the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. Working through internalized homophobia etc is a daunting task, but it can be done. Just take it one day at a time and be kind and compassionate to yourself.

      I hope this helped! If I can elaborate on anything or help you in another way, please let me know.

  1. Pingback: Top Surgery Check List « My Life with Tits

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