Top Surgery, Disclosure, Dating
I had top surgery in May. I’m not male identified, I’m just a butch who struggled with gender dysphoria. If you want more discussion of my experience with top surgery, you’re welcome to check out my Tumblr.
Due to a recent breakup, I’m not ready to get back into the dating scene yet. When I do, however, I’m not entirely sure how to handle the issue of disclosure. I’m not really sure when I should disclose, or how. Do I say outright “Oh, and by the way, I’ve had top surgery” or something simpler like “Just fyi, I’m pretty flat-chested. Hope that’s not a problem!”? I just don’t know.
One of the biggest insecurities I’ve had to battle over the years is the fear that I will just be too complicated for anyone, that I’m just always going to be too butch, too genderqueer, too feminist, too involved in social justice issues, etc. It’s a fear that no one will ever really appreciate qualities that I hold near and dear to my heart– a fear that, at best, they will just tolerate them.
And you know what? I don’t fucking want tolerance. I can accept tolerance from my parents, who I know may just never evolve past that point. But not in a partner. Not in someone who’s supposed to love me for who I am, not in spite of it.
So, here’s my public proclamation to accept nothing short of the appreciation I deserve from this point forward.